Showing posts with label Lists. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lists. Show all posts

9 Things I Hate About Everyone

This is a quick list of things I hate about people.

  1. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Gonna Kick their asses!

  2. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.... I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

  3. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?

  4. People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.

  5. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too".?Damn right! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

  6. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid $12 to come to the cinema and stare at the damn floor.

  7. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?".... Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

  8. When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

  9. When people say "life is short". What the hell?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?
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Apple Front Row Improvements

For any one that has a Portable Mac, or iMac you will be familiar with Front Row. The application gives a cool interface for finding and playing, music, videos and pictures. But there if always room for improvements. Click any of the images for there full glorified version.

1) Responsiveness

The application works great but it is always a little slow to respond. For example you click on a play list and it would take ages to load. This may be down to my computer but is probably apparent on other computers. As well as this you click the menu button to move up a menu, this may take a while to respond, so you click it again. The problem now is that you have moved to far up.

Improving the response time would greatly improve the user interaction of the application.

2) Improving Video Trailers

There is a small feature of the Video section of Front Row that gives you access to trailers on the Apple website. This is great by itself, but could be improved.
For example more trailers could be added in different resolutions, I have a wide screen monitor that can accept 720p video, why not stream that format to me. As well as this why not offer trailers from different websites.

3) Youtube

Currently youtube is not an added feature of Front Row, but it is for AppleTV. Having Youtube would a cool improvement to mess about with.

4) iTunes Album Art

Currently when and iTunes file plays in the music section the album art and text stay in the same place, as shown in the image below. Just making the album art move around the page, would make it look a bit more interesting, if not so similar to the improvement listed above.

6) Playing None Quicktime Movies

That is probably one of the main downsides to Front Row, its inability to play movies from other formats. You could overcome this by manually installing all of the quicktime library components, but why couldn't this be standard.

7) DVD Improvements

The DVD feature of Front Row is good, but it could be better. For example it would be cool if there was some kind of movie curtains which move out of the way as the video begins to play. Similar to the what happens at the cinema now. Although this improvements doesn't actually make the application better in terms of functionality it would be cool to look at.

Now I know that this list can be improved and added to, if you have any comments please leave them in the comments section below.

Hopefully Apple will take this advice and add it to the latest Front Row update, but I seriously doubt it.
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The 6 Types of Bloggers

The "new" craze on the Internet is blogging. I say craze because every one seem to be doing it, old people, young people, even babies. From my experience there are many times of bloggers in the world.

1) The Spam Blogger

This blogger is not really a blogger. He or she sets up a website with the sole interest in putting up adverts and non sensical adverts, all for the better of generating a little profit at the expense of annoying many people. This people should not be called bloggers. There blogs are known as splogs.

2) The Post Hundreds Of Articles A Day Blogger

This type of blogger no one cares about. He or she posts hundreds of times a day with nonsense relating to what they watched 5 minutes ago on TV. Now only likes your blog, go away.

3) The One Post Blogger

This blogger sets up a blog an only posts to it once. Clearly they thought blogging was to hard and gave up with out trying.

4) The Serious Blogger

These bloggers are some of the worst on the interwebs. Post only about really serious topics that only 0.0001% of the world cares about and gets really upset when people don't like their blog.

5) The True Blogger

This person was born to blog. He or she regularly updates with good honest content which is fits for every ones eyes.

6) The "Hey I Got A Blog" Blogger

This blogger is usually on par with MySpace. His or her blog has to contain every colour is the CSS colour chart. Usually mixes with the number 2 or 3 on this list.

Well folks that's all I can think of right now. Have fun and enjoy the rest of your day.

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Worst Analogies Ever Written in a High School Essay

After searching the internet as usual I found these analogis that are simple awful. I would like to the site but I cant find it. Enjoy.

  • He spoke with the wisdom that can only come from experience, like a guy who went blind because he looked at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it and now goes around the country speaking at high schools about the dangers of looking at a solar eclipse without one of those boxes with a pinhole in it.
  • The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.
  • McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a Hefty Bag filled with vegetable soup.
  • From the attic came an unearthly howl. The whole scene had an eerie, surreal quality, like when you're on vacation in another city and "Jeopardy" comes on at 7 p.m. instead of 7:30.
  • Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.
  • Her eyes were like two brown circles with big black dots in the center.
  • Bob was as perplexed as a hacker who means to access\aaakk/ch@ung but gets T:\flw.quidaaakk/ch@ung by mistake.
  • Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, whatever.
  • He was as tall as a six-foot-three-inch tree.
  • The hailstones leaped from the pavement, just like maggots when you fry them in hot grease.
  • Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like "Second Tall Man."
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left Cleveland at 6:36 p.m. traveling at 55 mph, the other from Topeka at 4:19 p.m. at a speed of 35 mph.
  • The politician was gone but unnoticed, like the period after the Dr. on a Dr Pepper can.
  • They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resembled Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.
  • John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
  • The thunder was ominous-sounding, much like the sound of a thin sheet of metal being shaken backstage during the storm scene in a play.
  • His thoughts tumbled in his head, making and breaking alliances like underpants in a dryer without Cling Free.
  • The red brick wall was the color of a brick-red Crayola crayon.
Thanks James out.

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Can You Digg it?
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Funny Car Facts

Ive been searching around the internet and found some really funny and interesting facts about cars. Some of these were really funny.

  1. Did you know that the top speeder was Arwstrong Tilley. He was clocked at 205mph on a Honda Rc51 motorbike on US highway 61. The previous speeder was Dr William Faenza who was driving at 158mph in a 55mph in a Lawborghini Diablo.
  2. With the high amount of speed cameras on the roads we Brits are becoming more creative with your excuses. Here are seven of the best
    1. My budgie was ill and i was rushing to the vet.
    2. I was desperate for the loo and had to speed to the nearest toilet.
    3. An ice scraper jammed under the pedal.
    4. I passed out after seeing a UFO
    5. I had severe diarrhoea.
    6. A gust of wind pushed over the limit.
    7. I was looking at the rev counter by mistake.
  3. In china there is a neat solutions to in taxi robbery. If the driver fears he is going to be robbed he can press a button and a Taser like 50,000 volts go through the cushion disabling the passenger.
  4. In Ukraine two armed robbers fled with over 200,000 euros and two women hostages. The following pursuit lasted through Germany, Poland and Ukraine. over 600 miles. It involved 20 police cars and chases over 100mph. It took longer than any one expected. Must have been on diesel.
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101 Ways to Annoy Your Co-workers

Hey Hey,

I found how to annoy your co-workers on this site.
Some of these are really funny.

  1. Leave a stack of old applications and a note saying, “Install these”
  2. Staple your reports in the wrong corner
  3. Put tape over the mouse optics
  4. Unplug a co-worker’s monitor
  5. Talk to sick employees while wearing a dust mask
  6. Turn your earphones up all the way
  7. Burn popcorn in the microwave
  8. “Forget” to put your tuna sandwich in the fridge
  9. Turn up the beep volume of the copier
  10. Empty the paper out of the main printer/copier
  11. Empty the ink or toner out of the main printer/copier
  12. Practice beat boxing
  13. Sing show tunes
  14. Hang up the phone before they say, “good bye”
  15. Slurp hot coffee during meetings
  16. Walk around the office barefooted
  17. Empty out a co-workers office on a Friday afternoon
  18. Misplace peoples pens
  19. Insert a 3.5” disk before they turn on their computer
  20. Glue their mouse to the desk
  21. Leave an open can of tuna in their desk
  22. Make a screenshot of their desktop and use it as their screensaver
  23. Turn up the contrast on their monitor
  24. Talk in a funny accent
  25. Use goofy event sounds for your programs
  26. Chant, “Yeay, I got mail!!” every time you get a new email
  27. Print out a phony pink slip and leave It in their mailbox
  28. Send flowers from one co-worker to another
  29. Start your car remotely when someone walk by it
  30. Insist on people to have a great morning
  31. Leave hole punches all over
  32. Leave your lunch garbage in other people’s cans
  33. After each sip give a refreshing, “Ahhh”
  34. Put salt on someone’s mouse pad
  35. Set a password on someone’s screensaver
  36. Carry on a conversation with someone two cubes down
  37. Smirk when a co-worker walks by
  38. Eat half of someone’s lunch
  39. Swap co-worker’s chairs
  40. Fake stomach flu during a meeting and need to abruptly leave three or four times
  41. Stare deeply into your co-workers eyes when they talk to you
  42. Take all the ice out of the community freezer
  43. Listen to comedy tracks and laugh hysterically
  44. Hit all the floor buttons when you leave the elevator
  45. Make hissing sounds into the phone and insist you have a bad connection
  46. Flip the left and right mouse button defaults
  47. Take out the ball in the mouse
  48. Eat sunflower seeds
  49. Tell a long story without a point
  50. Tell a co-worker you liked their hair better last week
  51. Anonymously send flowers to a random co-worker
  52. Bring Cheetos for food days
  53. Drag your feet when you walk down the halls
  54. Exclaim your co-worker didn’t wash his hands when leaving the restroom
  55. Eat stinky foods when you have lunch at your desk
  56. Practice drumming on your desk
  57. Use too many paper clips
  58. Fill out your time sheets incorrectly
  59. Set your mobile phone to an obnoxious ring tone
  60. Forward chain letters and other spam to co-workers
  61. Express your political views at length
  62. Whisper loudly
  63. Come to work sick
  64. Drink the last cup of coffee without making a new pot
  65. Answer your mobile during meetings
  66. Stand over someone while they are on the phone
  67. Sneak up behind someone
  68. Mess with the thermostat
  69. Give everyone a pistol wink when they walk by
  70. Gradually turn down the volume on someone’s phone
  71. Leave unusual print outs on the printer
  72. Throw out other people’s prints
  73. Juggle office supplies
  74. Write all your memos on bright colored paper
  75. Be overly nice to people
  76. Hide whiteboard erasers
  77. Chew gum while talking on the phone
  78. Regularly update everyone on the current weather
  79. Read your emails aloud
  80. Leave the fridge open
  81. Shake up cans of pop in the fridge
  82. Leave fingerprints on the copier glass
  83. Whistle all day long
  84. Wear too much cologne/perfume
  85. Type loudly
  86. Wear bright colored clothes
  87. Give everyone a nickname from a TV show
  88. Do the sneaky walk around the office
  89. Peer over the cube and wait for a co-worker to look up and notice
  90. Use the intercom and page yourself
  91. Swap the regular and decaf coffee
  92. Hide the sugar and creamer
  93. Type emails in uppercase and excessive punctuation
  94. Refer to your garbage can as your in-box
  95. Stick pencils to the ceiling in other people’s offices
  96. Throw a bouncy ball in your office
  97. Tell the same story over and over
  98. Imitate regular sounds like a disc drive opening, door slamming or a mouse click
  99. Talk to your monitor as if it was a person
  100. Schedule meetings at 4:00pm
  101. Talk loudly with your earphones on when someone comes to talk to you
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How to Annoy Someone Part 3

Here it is part 3 of 3, enjoy.
173. Add blank entries to lists, to make it look like it's longer.
174. Call every pager number you know and leave the number for your local McDonald's.
175. Wash and scrub the trees in your front lawn.
176. Throw newspapers back at paperboys.
177. Tell people their fly is down when they're wearing sweat pants.
178. Stand on a busy corner. Gasp, look and point up. See how many people look.
179. At random times in a conversation, say "Hi," "Hello Sir, how are you?" or "Have a good day, thank you."
180. Put electrical tape over the headlights of someone's car.
181. Walk up to random strangers insisting you are family.
182. Dress like a "High-class rich person" and wash windows at random street corners. Demand a dollar in a British accent.
183. When a cop pulls you over, when they step up to your car, drive forward slowly and make them walk. Especially if it's raining.
184. In an office, lock all the doors behind you.
185. Face the back when standing in an elevator.
186. Grin so wide it hurts your cheeks at every salesperson in town.
187. When at an ATM, try to have a conversation with it, or pretend it stole your card. (This works best if there's a line.)
188. Unbend all the paperclips you can find, then replace every eraser you can find with a rubber band.
189. Ask people to prove everything they say. (e.g. "I'm Bob, nice to meet you..." "PROVE IT!")
190. Sharpen All your pencils to the same size EXACTLY.
191. Answer every question with another question. As soon as one of you says a statement instead of a question, shout "I win!".
192. Pose as a client at a bank or other professional institution, and when you are seated in front of their desk, keep rearranging the items on top into different patterns and tell them you are "just reorganizing things."
193. Instead of singing 99 bottles of beer on the wall, sing 999,999,999 bottles of beer on the wall!
194. Call every girl you know "dude".
195. Recite every song from the Playstation games PaRappa the Rapper and Um Jammer Lammy.
196. Bring a portable CD player to a concert and listen the CD because you insist that it is "Just better quality"
197. Press the "power" button on on someone's computer or keyboard when they're almost finished typing up a long essay, story etc. Apologize sincerely, claiming that you thought it was the focus adjustment.
198. Call 911 and breathe heavily.
199. Take a shower. Feel guilty. Give it back.
200. Mow your carpet. (Or preferably somebody else's)
201. Vacuum your lawn. (See note on 200)
202. Recite shakespearian poetry to everyone you meet.
203. Go to McDonalds and ask for a BK Whopper.

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How to Annoy Someone Part 2

Here is part 2 of 3. Some of these crack me up.

86. Finish the 99 bottles of beer song.
87. Sing the "This is the song that never ends" song from Lampchop's Play-Along.
88. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
89. Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk into it.
90. Drive half a block.
91. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
92. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a southern drawl.
93. "Forget" the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot."
94. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes."
95. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad," the Archies' "Sugar," or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
96. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
97. Ask to "interface" with someone.
98. Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't cricket."
99. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
100. Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims.
101. Never make eye contact.
102. Never break eye contact.
103. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, pronouncing the results.
104. Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice.
105. Occasionally bark in a high-pitched voice.
106. Say "okay, you're gay" to anything someone says.
107. As people talk, smell their shoulders.
108. When in a conversation, look out the window, then say "Wait, start over. I wasn't paying attention."
109. Say to people, "Did you wear deodorant today?"
110. Place your shoes on the table.
111. When talking to someone, look at a spot about two inches to their right.
112. When standing near a "high-class person," ask them, "Excuse me, but do I have a booger hanging on my nose? I thought I picked it off.
113. Switch your neighbor's lawn furniture with someone else's.
114. Call into work and tell them you have something better to do today.
115. Buy goldfish and ask the clerk if they come with chips.
116. Sample every flavor of ice cream and tell the clerk what you don't like about each one.
117. Pick your ear wax and ask if you could use their sleeve to wipe it off.
118. Insist completely ridiculous things are true - like Bush is still President.
119. Speak in a strong Welsh accent.
120. Wear odd shoes.
121. Learn "Ice Ice Baby" by heart and recite it endlessly.
122. Disagree strongly with everything anybody says.
123. Throw stones at people walking past your house.
124. Keep changing the TV channel every two seconds.
125. Insist that Celine Dion is better than the Beatles.
126. Whenever anyone says something, laugh loudly as if they have just told and extremely funny joke.
127. Phone McDonald's and try to make a reservation for that evening.
128. Spend an entire weekend pretending you are R2-D2.
129. Phone random numbers and tell them you are holding their daughter hostage.
130. Recite the first 4,000 decimal places of Pi. Then ask if people want to hear it in binary, too.
131. Pretend you have gone completely deaf.
132. .sdrawkcab etirW
133. Walk into people's houses, go straight to the fridge without saying hello, and help yourself to their food.
134. Speak so quietly that people always have to get you to repeat it.
135. Loudly recite people's most embarrassing secrets in restaurants.
136. Play the electric guitar very loudly and badly, then when the neighbors ask you to turn it down, play even louder. When they come round to complain again, say, "Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you asked me to turn it up!
137. Try to fit the word "cornucopia" into every sentence you say.
138. Drive on the wrong side of the road.
139. Secretly learn to play the piano, then go to a friend's house who has a piano. Claim you've never played before then play Jesu Joy of Man's Desiring perfectly the first time. Then say, "I guess I must kinda be a natural."
140. Go canoeing and sing the Hawaii Five-0 theme.
141. Claim that until recently, you thought Michael Jackson was a woman.
142. Wear your cap backwards and say "Yo, wazzup?" a lot.
143. Go to a Metallica concert wearing a Michael Bolton T-Shirt.
144. Tell everyone you are Bill Clinton's cousin.
145. Take photos of people walking down the street and then run away.
146. Dedicate your life to politics, become president of the United States, then raise all taxes to 90%.
147. Down a can of Coke in one drink and then burp loudly.
148. Insist that it was Bobby who shot J.R.
149. Bark like a dog whenever anyone says the word "the."
150. Wire up people's cars so the horn comes on as soon as their car is started.
151. Ride a unicycle to work.
152. E-mail Microsoft to tell them about bugs in Windows XP that aren't actually there.
153. Stare at people for about five minutes, making sure they know you're staring at them. Then, slowly sneak up to them while humming the Mission: Impossible theme. Sniff their head, then run away. Repeat.
154. Continuously mumble during a conversation.
155. Take off the eraser to every pencil in your house, or better yet, someone else's house.
156. When in a chat room, spell everything incorrectly.
157. Insist on "Weird Al" sing-a-longs.
158. On a hot summer day, ride up and down the road and drench pedestrians with squirt guns.
159. When walking down a main road, act like a drunk.
160. Wear nothing but white and go mud wrestling.
161. Walk up to someone eating. Lean over and stare at them intently until they notice. Continue to do so until they ask what you're doing. Reply, "I've been watching you eat for the last 30 seconds.. You're weird!" Leave the restaurant.
162. When walking, talk to yourself constantly.
163. Move people's bookmarks ahead three pages when they aren't looking.
164. Call the operator. When asked, "Can I help you?" reply, "No thanks, just browsing."
165. Go to a gumball machine insert coins until you have a matching pair of fake eyeballs. After attaining these, record the theme song of The Twilight Zone over and over again. Drive down the street wearing the eyeballs and playing The Twilight Zone theme very loud. When you get pulled over, leap into the passenger's seat and claim, "He was here a minute ago, officer!"
166. On a night other than Halloween, get a few friends together and dress like Jason from Friday the 13th. Have each of you stand a mile apart on a highway.
167. After visiting the local donut shop, sit on the floor cross-legged and insist in a childish voice that you haven't received enough chocolate sprinkles.
168. Push a raisin into someone's cream-filled donut. (I don't get this one.)
169. Spread fertilizer on half your neighbor's lawn.
170. Add A535 (liquid heat) to that little hole down the center of someone's anti-perspirant.

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How to Annoy People Part 1

This is going to be a 3 part series on how to annoy people part 2 & 3 will be coming later.

1. Specify that your drive-thru order is "to go."
2. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
3. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub."
4.Name your dog "Dog."
5. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
6. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think."
7. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
8. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
9. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
10. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
11. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
12. Tell 1-800 operators they sound gay and ask for a date.
13. Sew anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
14. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
15. Order a side of pork rinds with your fillet mignon.
16. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
17. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climatic parts of rental movies
18. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
19. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
20. Repeat everything someone says as a question.
21. Write.. "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's road maps.
22. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination, UFO, and OJ Simpson conspiracy theories.
23. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?", "What?", "Never mind, it's gone now."
24. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
25. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
26. At the Laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
27. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling as they read.
28. Ask people what gender they are.
29. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
30. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
31. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
32. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
33. Change your name to "John Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
34. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
35. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
36. Wear a lot of cologne.
37. Listen to 33RPM records at 45RPM speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
38. Sing along at the opera
39. Mow your lawn with scissors.
40. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhwing-batter!"
41. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
42. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
43. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles.
44. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
45. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
46. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
47. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.
48. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies.
49. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
50. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
51. Practice making fax and modem noises.
52. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc." them to your boss.
53. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophecy."
54. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
55. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
56. Holler random numbers while someone is counting
57. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
58. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
59. Honk and wave to strangers.
61. type only in lowercase.
62. dont use any punctuation either
63. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
64. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
65. Sing the theme to the Batman television show as loudly as you can, over and over and over..
66. Tell people their accent isn't fooling anyone.
67. Drum on every available surface.
68. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
69. Set alarms for random times.
70. Learn Morse code and have conversations with friends in public consisting of "Beeeep bip bip beeeep bip.."
71. Buy large quantities of mint dental floss just to lick the flavor off.
72. Leave your Nine Inch Nails tape in Great Uncle Ed's stereo, with the volume properly adjusted.
73. Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
74. Wear your pants backwards.
75. Begin all your sentences with "Ohh la la!"
76. Rouse your roommates from slumber each morning with Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music."
77. Leave someone's printer in compressed-italic-landscape mode.
78. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
79. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
80. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
81. Leave tips in Bolivian currency
82. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
83. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
84. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
85. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."

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Things You Do Not Want Your System Adminstrator To Say

There are times in life when computers don't work. Here is a collection of funny sayings that you do not want your system admin to say.

Note: Most of the commands shown are UNIX if you don't no what they mean.

There is over 90 of them.

  1. Uh-oh.....
  2. Undelete, UNDELETE
  3. What the hell!?
  4. Go get your backup tape. (You do have a backup tape?)
  5. That's SOOOOO bizarre.
  6. Wow!! Look at this.....
  7. Hey!! The suns don't do this.
  8. Terminated??!
  9. What software license?
  10. Well, it's doing something.....
  11. Wow....that seemed fast.....
  12. I got a better job at Lockheed...
  13. Management says...
  14. Sorry, the new equipment didn't get budgeted.
  15. What do you mean that wasn't a copy?
  16. It didn't do that a minute ago...
  17. Where's the GUI on this thing?
  18. Damn, and I just bought that pop...
  19. Where's the DIR command?
  20. The drive ate the tape but that's OK, I brought my screwdriver.
  21. I cleaned up the root partition and now there's lots of free space.
  22. What's this "any" key I'm supposed to press?
  23. Do you smell something?
  24. What's that grinding sound?
  25. I have never seen it do *that* before...
  26. I think it should not be doing that...
  27. I remember the last time I saw it do that...
  28. You might as well all go home early today ...
  29. My leave starts tomorrow.
  30. Ooops.
  31. Hmm, maybe if I do this...
  32. "Why is my "rm *.o" taking so long?"
  33. Hmmm, curious...
  34. Well, my files were backed up.
  35. What do you mean you needed that directory?
  36. What do you mean /home was on that disk? I umounted it!
  37. Do you really need your home directory to do any work?
  38. Oracle will be down until 8pm, but you can come back in and finish your work when it comes up tonight.
  39. I didn't think anybody would be doing any work at 2am, so I killed your job.
  40. Yes, I chowned all the files to belong to pvcs. Is that a problem to you?
  41. We're standardizing on AIX.
  42. Wonder what this command does?
  43. What did you say your (l)user name was...? ;-)
  44. You did what to the floppy???
  45. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
  46. NO! Not that button!
  47. Uh huh......"nu -k $USER".. no problem....sure thing...
  48. Sorry, we deleted that package last week...
  49. [looks at workstation] "Say, what version of DOS is this running?"
  50. Oops! (said in a quiet, almost surprised voice)
  51. YEEEHA!!! What a CRASH!!!
  52. What do you mean that could take down the whole network?
  53. What's this switch for anyways...?
  54. Tell me again what that '-r' option to rm does
  55. Say, What does "Superblock Error" mean, anyhow?
  56. If I knew it wasn't going to work, I would have tested it sooner.
  57. Was that your directory?
  58. System coming down in 0 min....
  59. The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky!
  60. Hey Fred, did you save that posting about restoring filesystems with vi and a toothpick? More importantly, did you print it out?
  61. OH, SH*T! (as they scrabble at the keyboard for ^c).
  62. The sprinkler system isn't supposed to leak is it?
  63. It is only a minor upgrade, the system should be back up in a few hours. (This is said on a monday afternoon.)
  64. I think we can plug just one more thing in to this outlet strip with out triping the breaker.
  65. What is all this I here about static charges destroying computers?
  66. I found this rabbit program that is supposed to test system performance and I have it running now.
  67. Ummm... Didn't you say you turned it off?
  68. The network's down, but we're working on it. Come back after diner. (Usually said at 2200 the night before thesis deadline...)
  69. Ooops. Save your work, everyone. FAST!
  70. Boy, it's a lot easier when you know what you're doing.
  71. I hate it when that happens.
  72. And what does it mean 'rm: .o: No such file or directory'?
  73. Why did it say '/bin/rm: not found'?
  74. Nobody was using that file /vmunix, were they?
  75. You can do this patch with the system up...
  76. What happens to a Hard Disk when you drop it?
  77. The only copy of Norton Utilities was on THAT disk???
  78. Well, I've got a backup, but the only copy of the restore program was on THAT disk....
  79. What do mean by "fired"?
  80. hey, what does mkfs do?
  81. where did you say those backup tapes were kept?
  82. ...and if we just swap these two disc controllers like this...
  83. don't do that, it'll crash the sys........ SHIT
  84. what's this hash prompt on my terminal mean?
  85. dd if=/dev/null of=/vmunix
  86. find /usr2 -name nethack -exec rm -f {};
  87. now it's funny you should ask that, because I don't know either
  88. Any more trouble from you and your account gets moved to the 750
  89. Ooohh, lovely, it runs SVR4
  90. SMIT makes it all so much easier......
  91. Can you get VMS for this Sparc thingy?
  92. I don't care what he says, I'm not having it on my network
  93. We don't support that. We won't support that.
  94. ...and after I patched the microcode...
  95. You've got TECO. What more do you want?
  96. We prefer not to change the root password, it's an nice easy one
  97. Just add yourself to the password file and make a directory...

  98. There is going to be more computer related stuff coming up. So sit tight.

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Funny Quotes

Here are a collection of some of my favorite / best quotes and sayings.

  1. Uh-Oh her eyes are leaking again, call the plumber
  2. Well, my files were backed up
  3. The army's is like an fps but with better graphics
  4. YEEEHA, What a crash
  5. The backup procedure works fine, but the restore is tricky
  6. Remember to specify that your drive thru order is to go
  7. Leave the copy machine to reduce 200%, extra dark, 9 copies
  8. Start at static on the TV and claim you can see a magic picture
  9. Super glue coins to floors
  10. Its clearly a budget. Its got numbers in it.
  11. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?
  12. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
  13. Why does fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
  14. Why do tug boats push their barges?
  15. Why are they called stands when they are made for sitting?
  16. Why is it call after dark when it really is after light?
  17. Doesn't expecting the unexpected make the unexpected expected?
  18. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
  19. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
  20. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  21. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  22. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
  23. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
  24. When everything s coming your way, you re in the wrong lane.
  25. I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
  26. I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
  27. For Sale, Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
  28. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
  29. When I m not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
  30. You know the speed of light, so whats the speed of dark?
  31. There are three sides to any argument, your side, my side and the right side.
  32. Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.
  33. Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.
  34. Everyone makes mistakes. The trick is to make mistakes when nobody is looking.
  35. Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won t expect it back.
  36. I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
  37. If you can t see the bright side of life, polish the dull side.
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The Top 50 highest Paying Adsense/Adwords


Having dabbled with Goggle AdSense over the last week I was wondering what gave the highest Cost Per Click was. Now I don’t realise I will ever have these adverts, since I don’t no what a mesothelioma lawyer is but I can only hope and ad will ever appear. Bearing in mind the number represents the average CPC. Just imagin having $60 per click, you would be rolling in the greens. But these weuld probably never turn up at this price.

This was used using the Google tool located here. Give me a e-mail or leave a comment if you find any higher than those listed.

You can use the search tool to the right if you need to search any of the terms posted here.

1 secured loans $63.75
2 car accident lawyers new york $53.99

3 school loan consolidation $50.00
4 college loan consolidation $45.57
5 injury lawyers $44.98
6 mesothelioma attorney $44.52
7 asbestos attorney $44.44
8 accident claims $44.37
9 san diego dui attorney $43.88
10 what is mesothelioma $42.94
11 secured loan $42.82
12 secured loans $42.82
13 injury lawyer $41.34
14 new york personal injury lawyers $40.90
15 accident claim $40.75
16 federal consolidation student loan $40.74
17 homeowner loans $39.50
18 accident compensation $37.44
19 federal loan consolidation $37.06
20 personal injury lawyer $36.66
21 new york medical malpractice lawyers $36.01
22 student loan consolidation center $35.98
23 mesothelioma lawyers $35.53
24 prequalify loan $35.27
25 consolidation loan $34.96
26 consolidation loans $34.96
27 tax attorney $34.92
28 auto accident attorney $34.15
29 car accident attorney $33.84
30 accident attorney $33.75
31 florida accident attorney $33.33
32 personal injury lawyers $32.96
33 texas personal injury attorney $32.59
34 mesothelioma attorneys $32.47
35 car accident attorney $32.41
36 motorcycle accident attorney $32.38
37 accident at work $32.28
38 malpractice lawyers ny $32.19
39 student loan information $31.95
40 dallas personal injury attorney $31.81
41 michigan auto accident $31.73
42 tax lawyers $31.58
43 new york criminal lawyers $31.04
44 personal injury attorney $30.82
45 san diego personal injury attorney $30.64
46 malignant mesothelioma $30.36
47 car attorney $30.36
48 accident injury $30.28
49 debt consolidation loans $29.63
50 accident compensation claim $29.23

There are hundred of thousand more but they seemed the best.

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